It’s that time of year again, folks. Well, time of day would probably be more accurate. Uni has started again for me and my brain has gotten up to even weirder stuff lately. Lots of sleepless nights, which mean staring at my ceiling and getting up to pee during the night – something I NEVER usually do. That also means more time for brain acrobatics and believe me, it’s been a full on circus lately. Without further ado, here are the 10 weirdest thoughts that have crossed my mind so far.
Can people hear me if I burp internally with my mouth closed?
I bloody hope not – I do this all the time. Like, ALL the time. You know when you feel it rising, and you somehow just swallow it without enunciating? If you’re eating right this second, I apologise.
What if dogs could speak human languages but they just have a pact between themselves to never let this on?
How else do they do things like learn commands like “sit” and “paw”, and fetch the mail from the door when they’re told? I honestly wonder about this one – though the fact that dogs would be able to judge us based on everything we tell them would probably make them less appealing to the human race.
Why are those artificially-flavoured grape gummies so good?
They’re just so addictive. If you have no idea which ones I’m talking about, that’s probably a good thing. Thank me later.
Some men get really self conscious about moobs, so why don’t we have man bras?
In retrospect, that would probably make dudes even more self conscious about their moobs. Whilst we’re on that subject, concealer and foundation should totally be a thing for men. If women get all sorts of help for problem skin days, why shouldn’t men? Oh, and contouring. Mantouring.
I always panic a little whilst watching tech support people fix stuff on my laptop via remote access.
What if they’re a hacker working undercover at Apple? What if they’re gathering information for a top-secret operation that is going to destroy us all before a nuclear war does? Okay, I don’t have anything on my laptop that would be of any value for those purposes – unless they need some colourful notes on the pharmacology of anti-epileptic drugs for whatever reason.
Friends always give me sidelong glances when I say that I like sleeping masks. I actually use them for sleeping.
Yes, for sleeping. As opposed to other Christian Grey purposes that you might have in mind. That being said, there’s nothing wrong with having such a… versatile item by your bedside. Okay, I’ll stop now.
I could honestly spend hours under a power shower but I get so bored in the bath.
What do you do in there? If I tried to read, I’d just spend the whole time panicking about not dropping the book/kindle/device into the water. The fear is real. I’d much rather imagine that the running water is washing all my sorrows and regrets away.
They say that you learn from your mistakes but I never remember to close my eyes when spraying perfume.
I’m honestly not sure why I do it, but it happens more often than you’d think. You’d think I would know the pain associated with perfume in your eyes by now.
Speaking of which, does Febreze count as a perfume?
It smells so good. I’d quite happily wear that scent everywhere. It’s everything I look for in a fragrance too – clean, fresh and long lasting. Seriously, Febreze needs to come up with their own fragrance line.
There’s something so satisfying yet terrifying about a blank piece of paper.
So many possibilities for creation and ruin at the same time, so much so that you reach a point where you don’t know what to do with it. Is that what attaining perfection would feel like?
Would love to hear your thoughts, or any of your own… well, thoughts! Until next time – you go girl.
All images in this post have been obtained from Pixabay under a Creative Commons License, some edited by J. The featured image was designed on canva.com by J, exclusively for thenellybean.