Bit of a rambly blog post today. Firstly… hello again! I’m aware that I haven’t been uploading new posts for a LONG time and those of you who have so kindly supported me all this while are probably tired of seeing my recycled posts from god knows when. For that, I am deeply sorry.
Which brings me to my next point – all these people doing Blogmas and Vlogmas are bloody amazing. Your planning and commitment is just off the scale. I haven’t had the time to write fresh posts but I sure have been reading your stuff from Twitter and I am so proud of you all. Just bursting with pride and admiration like an overfilled water balloon for every single one of you. I know how hard it is to come up with so much content and keep it going every day for a whole month, whatever your niche. *Cue applause*
For those of you who might be new to thenellybean.com, firstly – hi, lovely to meet you. Tell me about yourself in the comments below, I want to get to know you all! Little bit about me – I’m a Pharmacy student by day and music teacher by night. If you are a uni student, you’ll know how much uni students whinge about being busy. If you aren’t a uni student, chances are you’ll know how annoying it is when people whinge about being busy.
I’ve been ridiculously busy and work has just been taking over my life and I’ve had deadlines for gargantuan pieces of coursework one after the other and I haven’t slept properly in the past month or so.
Okay, whinge over. I promise.
The thing is, I love being busy. I really do. I’m one of those people who just need that constant flurry of deadlines, stuff to do, lists to make etc. Otherwise, I just don’t feel like myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending a whole day in PJs and doing absolutely nothing just as much as the next person, but I guess I’m an adrenaline junkie like that. If I don’t occupy myself enough, my brain goes on a binge of worst-case scenarios or paranoid thoughts to keep me awake at night. Either way, I just can’t get to sleep.
Speaking of which, can anyone recommend a good colour corrector for dark circles?
But it’s true. I’m really not humblebragging – I wish I could be someone who can just be low key, consistently productive without being inundated with urgent deadlines. That way, I’d probably be a much healthier person in general, and less adrenaline-craving. I’d probably do more exercise and sleep better at night too – two things I currently associate with flying pigs. Would that be a good thing? I don’t know.
The thing is, I’ve been making a very conscious decision to work hard at uni. I didn’t have much of a clue as to what I was doing in first year and most of the time, I felt dumb. Very, very dumb. I wasn’t enjoying my course at all, I felt extremely behind compared to my coursemates and I didn’t have many people to talk to – lack of common interests is a surprisingly big thing. In a nutshell, I didn’t know what I was doing and my self esteem was lower than Shawty and her apple bottom jeans on the dance floor.
Needless to say, my grades weren’t great. But then came second year. I wanted to do well. After all, I wasn’t going to spend four years in misery with nothing to show for it but a shitload of debt. If I was going to do this degree, I was going to do it to the best of my ability and blaze a trail of hard-earned victories I could look back on and be proud of. And I did. In the process, I discovered the components of my course that I did enjoy, and I allowed myself to explore my interest in those areas. Drug formulation is a kickass field to be in, y’all.
The bottom line is, I wanted to see what I was really capable of. In retrospect, it didn’t take long at all – I found my grades improving, I walked down the street with my head held higher and my social life had definitely changed for the better, even if slowly at first. (Most of socialising at uni involves clubbing and sadly, I’m not someone who goes clubbing voluntarily) The stress levels also mounted, and I found myself with more and more work to do.
The thing is – you only stress about something when you care about it. Much like I stress about my students not practising their scales every day, I stressed about not doing enough reading or missing internship application deadlines. I would wake up in the morning with a long to-do list for the day already half-completed in my dreams. The thing is – I was the one giving myself all this work. I stressed out because I cared.
Now that I’m in my third year, I’ve been stressing out more than ever. I’ve also been enjoying the formulation aspects of my course more than ever, throwing my all into my six-hour lab sessions where my team and I formulated a cream base for psoriasis treatment (no, I did not get to bring it home, much to my mother’s dismay). The amount of work I’ve given myself to do has gone up, my pile of textbooks and I are much more well-acquainted and my grades are a far cry from what they were in first year.
You know what? It’s been pretty good.
I like to think I’ve come a long way. I mean, I wear dark red lipstick and blinding highlighter without batting an eyelid now. I do love my nude everything and I still gravitate towards them, but this isn’t something that first-year me would have done without feeling like a little girl playing dress up. Maybe it was something that was encouraged through blogging, but I sure as hell don’t regret it. Meeting all you lovely bloggers and readers from all over the world has been amazing, even if we aren’t “real life” friends. There isn’t anything fake about the bloggery friends I have made over the past few months, and I wanted to say thank you to you all for supporting me and continuing to show your love, from my rebranding to adding new content niches to thenellybean. So thank you.
I promise I’ll be writing lots of new content soon – psst… maybe a new series in store! As always, I’d love to hear what you think – feel free to share ideas in the comments of each post and get a chat going. They honestly make me so happy – you have no idea. NO idea.
As for now, I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your families and loved ones, whatever it is you have planned. For those of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, I’d love to hear what you’re getting up to over the holidays. Keep warm, drink responsibly and be merry. Until next time – you go girl.
Disclaimer: Featured image by Danielle Macinnes on Unsplash.